6 Days Down, 44 To Go!

I am now proud (and relieved) to say that I have an entire week of student teaching under my belt – that’s 10% of my total time teaching!  :-)  Over the past week, I have been given a taste of what it is like to teach in one’s own classroom.  On the very first day, I distributed the syllabi and explained to the students what would be expected of them in class; they have been all mine ever since!

I can’t say yet whether I enjoy the experience of student teaching.  I am trying not to make any quick judgments but, to be honest, I really have not enjoyed it thus far.  I am fairly certain that this is simply because I am in a new set of circumstances.  I have been assuming the role of a student for the past sixteen years; I have been assuming the role of a teacher for just the past week.  Of course it’s going to be uncomfortable at first!  Last week, however, I almost couldn’t handle it.  I called two of my advisors/supervisors last week because I was seriously considering dropping out of student teaching and just graduating with an applied math degree – it was that unpleasant for me.  I know that the smart decision is to stick with it, but some part of me keeps thinking that I don’t want to work with kids, and it is making the decision to quit that much more appealing.

Another aspect adding to this unpleasantness is my fear of judgment by the students.  As I am up at the front teaching or walking around the room while the students are (supposed to be) doing their work, I notice many things about the students: their facial expressions, their quiet whispers, whether or not they are looking at me as I glance around the room.  I fear that they are murmuring amongst themselves that they have a gay student teacher and how gross that is or how much of a “fag” Mr. Howard is…  I realize that, while justified, this is a ridiculous fear to have on one’s mind because students will always find something about a teacher that is “different.”

What’s weird is that I feel so much more at ease in my first period class than in my fourth.  I feel like I don’t have to hide so much, which benefits everyone.  I am able to bring more of myself to the class and, as a result, I build a greater rapport with the students and the students learn more. 

My fourth period class, where the majority of students are male, is completely different however.  When I look out at these students, I am extremely intimidated.  I feel as though I have to have a guard up and that I can’t let any of them see the “real me.”  A comment made by one of the fourth-period students today rationalizes my feelings concerning this matter. 

We were reviewing perimeter of rectangles (P=2L+2W) :-).  I thought it would be fun to measure objects in the classroom by using a tape measurer.  I chose one student to help me measure the object while the other students watched.  To help see the real-world applicability of perimeter, I explained that if a person ever wanted to do renovations on his/her house, he/she needs to have basic knowledge of how to measure objects.  One of the students asked, “Mr. Howard, do you ever do renovations on your house?”  This might seem like an innocent question, but the way it was asked was definitely not.  He was trying to label me as a feminine man who has never picked up a hammer in my life.  I quickly responded with, “Do I look like I would do any renovations to you,” then kept going with the lesson, ignoring him for the rest of the time.

On a lighter note, my academic supervisor visited my classroom today to observe me.  Basically, she had nothing but good things to say about my lesson.  She complimented me on how I was able to engage the students and the fact that I kept things moving in class.  Mr. Warren was present during our meeting after class and, he too, had nothing but good things to say.  It gives me such a boost of confidence and faith to hear such positive remarks from people who have had experience in this field.