Start of Summer and Looking for Jobs

I'm not sure if anyone still has any interest in reading this blog, but I had a great idea just a few minutes ago.  If a fabulous gay man like myself is going to go into the profession of teaching, there are many more stories to be told and learning experiences to be had.  Therefore, I have decided to keep up the blog to document anything I experience related to the fields of queer studies and education.  If nothing else, it will serve as a reminder to me to never give up on those who harbor hate and to always live in the light.  :)

So, I graduated from college two weeks ago.  CRAZY...  Does this mean I'm actually a big kid now?  I guess it does because over the past two weeks I've been wearing big kid clothes and visiting high school principals to give them my portfolio.  It's absolutely insane.  There are only two or three openings in my area that I know of, but I'm really hoping I can land a job somewhere.

I visited one school and was just astounded at how active its Gay/Straight Alliance organization was.  I was taken on a tour of the school and I kept noticing these posters that had the words "ally" and "gay" on them.  When I stopped to inspect, I realized the posters were exactly what I thought they were: teachers were outing themselves!  Most said "I am an ally," but others, quite plainly, had "I am gay" written on them.  I could not believe it.  Coming from the school at which I had just student taught, I was awestruck by the fact that this issue could be brought up without the sound of shotguns cocking...

I asked the people who were guiding the tour about the posters and they reinforced their policy on diversity at this particular school: not only is it tolerated, but it is encouraged.  I would love to teach at this school.

Last Day

Nothing too deep for this post... I just have something to show and tell...

Friday the 15th was my last day.  When I walked in, this is what was sitting on my desk...

That is an 80 oz. jar of jumbo pickles.  The note reads,

          "Mr. Howard,
           I thought this would be enough to last you a while.  Have fun!!"

I'll leave you to interpret the gift as you wish.  In any case, you just have to laugh at this kind of thing.  A student took his/her own time and money to purchase this huge jar of pickles for me.  He/she was thinking of me after school, and that is what really matters.  

RE: high-five* PSYCHE!

As promised in my last post, here is what I have come up with so far.  I want to keep wording on the slides to an absolute minimum because I want them to mainly listen to me.  The PowerPoint is just for an added effect.

Slide 1:  Essentially, we will have a guided discussion on the phrase "that's so gay," and students will be led to the conclusion that to say this phrase is to say homosexuality is wrong (and the entire LGBTQ community).

Slide 2:  Next, students need to realize the effect saying such ignorance has on people.  I figured that introducing them to Tyler Clementi would work.  I will give them a summary of events that led up to his tragic death and, hopefully, this will get them engaged.

Slide 3:  To really bring the punch to them, the final slide has the text from Clementi's last text message.  Having a few of the students read it aloud might really hit home for some of them.  I will relate it to them by having them think about how they would feel if their mother/father, brother/sister, boyfriend/girlfriend sent this text to them, or vice-versa.

Then, we will have a wrap-up discussion.

Let me know your thoughts!

high five* PSYCHE!

First, I apologize for the length of the post, but I have a lot to say today!

**********

Everyone is familiar with the old high school trick of “fake high-fiving.”  It is a classic method of raising a person’s spirit (perhaps a nerd’s hope of finally being accepted by the school jock?) by acting as though one is about to give a high-five then crushing it like a poor, defenseless bug by quickly taking it back from the receiver of the high-five.  OK, maybe it’s not that big of a deal… but it can still piss somebody off!  I just went through all that effort of raising my arm and putting a smile on my face just to smack your hand…

Two of my kids (in separate periods) did this to me today except there was an added twist at the end... 

The first occurrence happened in first period before class began.  I was at my podium readying my materials when Zak walked by.  He had a big smile on his face and he held up his hand so I could give him a high-five.  I was very excited to see Zak coming into class so happily.  I extended my arm to return the high-five and when Zak quickly retracted his arm, he looked me in the face and shouted, “WHO’S GAY?!”  By this, of course, he was trying to say that I was too slow to return his act of immaturity.  For a split second, I actually pondered whether I should respond.  Zak was getting closer and closer to the back of the room.  I was thinking that if I didn’t handle this situation quickly, then anything I could potentially say would lose value.  Hence, I began my rant…

I wanted to see if Zak actually had the guts to repeat what he said in front of the entire class, so I said, “Say what you said again.”  Zak turned around, shocked that I was not amused by his idiotic comment.  He softly retorted, “Good morning, Mr. Howard…?”  Obviously, this is not the remark I was looking for, so I tried to point him in the right direction.  At this point, everyone in the class was quiet and intently watching us.  It was just Zak and I in front of an audience of twenty-some people.

“No.  After the high-five.”

“Who’s gay?”

“And what exactly do you mean by that?”

“I… uh… um… well… I don’t know.”

“Exactly.  Please don’t say such ignorant things in my class anymore.”

And that was that.  Zak took his seat and the rest of the class resumed their usual talking spree until announcements.  The student who did the exact same thing in fourth period is one of my “more favorite” students to teach.  Cameron has a great sense of humor and is very intelligent.  However, when he did the fake high-five with the twist homophobic ending, it lessened my liking of him a little.  I essentially reacted the exact same way with him as I did with Zak.  I said the same things and I was calm but assertively defensive.  Cameron was taken off guard by my taking offense to his comment and he immediately backed down.

**********

Recently, I have noticed an increase in comments such as “that’s so gay” or “that’s/you’re retarded.”  The “G” and “R” words are very common in teenage vernacular.  While my ideal situation would be to never hear those words used out of context in my classroom, I realize that this is unrealistic… especially being in the shoes of a student teacher.  Students automatically make the assumption that anything goes in my classroom since I am not a “real teacher.”  Although this has lessened over time, I still have bigger things to worry about instead of if Johnny or Susie is calling something “gay” or “retarded.” 

This is not to say that I do nothing about it, however.  I realize that, even if someone is not referring to a person directly, calling something “gay” or “retarded” still insults an entire group of people when the word is used in a derogatory manner.  I do not make it a big deal in my classroom unless it is extremely insulting.  I will tell the student that that kind of language is unacceptable and, if he/she cannot use appropriate language, then there is a place for him/her in the office.

However, this is becoming such a problematic issue that I feel more action is needed.  I need something to emotionally attach these kids to the people they make fun of – something relatable to everyone and something heart-wrenching and serious.  For a while, I have thought about speaking to my kids about the suicides of the gay teens back in the Fall of 2010.  I feel that simply speaking to them, however, would not be enough.  They need a picture or some form of text that allows them to truly form a connection with these teens.  Here is my plan…

I will conjure a simple PowerPoint presentation that holds a simple moral: sometimes not thinking about your words before you say them can have deadly consequences.  First, I would have a quick guided discussing about the phrase “that’s so gay.”  Essentially, I would lead the students to the conclusion that, by using this phrase, one is equating the word gay to something bad.  Meaning, one is actually saying that homosexuality is bad or wrong.  For the emotional aspect of the presentation, I would like to include the story of Tyler Clementi, the nineteen-year-old who committed suicide after an intimate encounter of his was broadcast to his collegiate peers.  I would be able to fit Tyler’s portion of the presentation into two slides:  one for just his picture and the other for the last text message sent from his phone, which read “jumping off the george washington bridge. sorry…”

Actually seeing these words, I believe, would send a shocking realization to my students that words can kill.  I would relate this text to the students by asking how their parent(s), girlfriend or boyfriend, sister or brother, or even a caring teacher would feel if they received this text. 

I plan to put this together within the next couple of days.  I would love your thoughts on what else I could include, say, or do with this presentation.  I have a feeling I am going to be implementing this fairly soon…

Ray of Light

Several posts ago, I mentioned a student from my fourth period class named Ray.  He has been one of my more obviously homophobic students.  Ray often makes homophobic comments (not necessarily toward or about me) and constantly attempts to intimidate me with his large stature and “redneck appeal.”

However, a few weeks ago, Ray was faced with an extreme medical emergency that could have taken – and could still possibly take – his life.  He had missed an entire week of class, and neither I nor my host teacher had any idea of what was going on with him.  On Thursday and Friday of that week, Ray’s girlfriend visited our class to get his missed work.  I inquired of the situation and she responded by saying that he was “okay” but very sick.

Ray showed up before school started the following Monday in very weak condition.  He wore his same old camouflage jacket, beat-up jeans, and scuffed boots, but his face was sunken and pale.  Ray’s girlfriend was following him carrying both Ray’s bookbag as well as her own.  Ray sat down with me to explain exactly what had happened.

The symptoms Ray were describing sounded like severe acid reflux.  Ray explained that he had an ulcer in his small intestine, his spleen was extremely enlarged, and the lining in his esophagus had essentially eroded.  Any strenuous physical activity or a sudden strike to Ray’s stomach could rupture his spleen, resulting in his death.  He held a protein shake bottle in his hand the entire time he was explaining this to me, and he must have saw me staring at it because he then added that he would not be able to eat any solid food for weeks. 

For the first time, I felt a genuine sympathy for Ray.  I offered any help I could to him: leaving his geometry books and supplies in my room, keeping any liquids (such as protein shakes or water) in the fridge in the back room, and even sitting in my chair at my desk during class.  I believe this allowed Ray to see me stripped of all stigma.  For once, he did not see me as a queer man who had an annoying passion for math, but as a caring teacher who only wants the best for his students.

Since then, Ray visits my class at many instances throughout the day.  He is in my class before school begins (despite the fact that I don’t teach his class until later in the day), during his lunch period, and sometimes he even hangs around after school.  Ray and I have been able to “cut up” together, and sometimes we even share a smile.  Ray has been an eye-opening reminder of why I wanted to go into the profession of teaching to begin with: to make a difference.

Callin' the 'Rents

This post isn't one directly related to homophobia in public schools, but it does concern the student I talked about in yesterday's post (Bob).

Today, the students took a test on everything we've been covering in the past week.  Before I distributed the tests, I went over the review guide that was given to them on Monday to clear up any confusion.  The entire time I was trying to review with the class, Bob was over in his corner causing a disturbance.  Now, Bob went halfway through this course before, but was kicked out of school for a behavior problem for the remainder of that semester.  He should know this stuff, so I let that slide, thinking that Bob was just extra talkative today.

Bob doesn't sit in a traditional desk like the rest of the class: he sits in one of the corners, where there is a table with a roller chair.  He decided to roll over to my desk to take the test, which I was fine with.  I looked over at his test and, after answering nine out of the fifty questions, he started writing down random answers.  He then threw his test at me and said, "I'm tired of this crap.  I'm just going to do test corrections," thinking that he would gain half the credit of each unanswered question back.  I told him that would definitely not happen.

Once the students finished their tests, they were to start on an introductory assignment for the next section.  I waited a bit for Bob to cool off, then asked him to start on that so he wouldn't be just sitting there.  He waited ten minutes, then grabbed the assignment.  I left him alone until the end of class.

When the bell was about to ring, I called him over to my desk and asked what the random mood swing was about.  He responded by saying, "What?  Me being a dick?"  I disregarded his use of inappropriate language and reminded him that if he couldn't be respectful or do what was asked of him, then he would have to leave the class.  He didn't say a word in response.

Once the students left, I was highly annoyed with the way Bob had behaved... so much that I called his parents!  And here is the moral of the story: if you have a little shit (little brat, little devil, little _____) with an attitude in your class, call the parents.  This one offered so much support that she said she was going to "whoop his ass back in line."  Oh, the joys of teaching in rural NC...

The (Hidden) Big Question

It is becoming increasingly evident that my students are aware of my sexuality.  Though my first period doesn't seem to make this a big issue, my fourth period makes it quite obvious with all the snickers, behind-the-back remarks, and questionable looks...

...and don't forget the "subtle" questions such as the one I was asked today!  Bob, I have learned, is a very outgoing and outspoken student.  He says what is on his mind and could care less if anyone else thinks it's right or appropriate.  An honest quality... but, most of the time, it just makes him seem like an arrogant pompous ass.

Today, as the students were working on their classwork, I was walking around the room to make sure they weren't running into any problems.  When I got to Bob, he said that he had two questions to ask me.  He said this with a slight grin on his face, which led me to suspect that (one) the question wasn't about math, and (two) there was an ulterior motive to asking his questions.  Upon his asking it, my suspicions were confirmed.

"Mr. Howard, do you have a girlfriend?"

As soon as he asked it, I knew what he really meant to ask was, "Are you gay?"  I kept my cool and retorted, "I don't see why that has anything to do with your assignment, and if that second question is what I think it is, then you're going to the office.  That is a question you should not ask a teacher."  Then, I walked away and the second question was left unasked.

I am very disappointed at how I handled this situation, but I'm so torn as to what I should have done.  Part of me feels that I shouldn't have to hide who I am to my students, but I get the feeling that so many of them have homophobic beliefs - ones severe enough that may personally threaten me.  I also question the appropriateness of the situation.  I have been told to keep all personal details concerning sexuality a secret, but I don't think sharing that part of who I am is inappropriate.

I don't want to lie to my students by denying the fact that I'm gay (this wouldn't work anyway) but, at the same time, I don't want to just overtly confirm their suspicions by outing myself.  I know my students are in school to learn geometry, but they are also here to learn how to become a well-functioning person in our society.  There are all kinds of people out there: gay, straight, black, white, Hispanic, fat, skinny, etc. and they all deserve to be treated with as much respect as the next person.

This is such a slippery issue, and I would love your thoughts...

:)